Dear Beer,
By the time you read this, I will be gone.
We had a wonderful summer together, but as we head into fall, I feel our relationship is changing.
It's not you. It's me. I'll always love and cherish the memories of your sweet malty goodness and creamy head. But even still, I just can't keep up with your high caloric content.
Damn you, maltose. Damn you!
I feel that a little time apart is what we both need. Just to see what happens.
Who knows? Maybe we'll be back together in again a couple days.
Always yours,
Jeff
25 comments:
Don't do it.
Crazy talk Moser
quitter
Dude.
Say it ain't so.
Just need to lose a couple pounds. I need to be able to tie my shoes, and if I could get my family to stop rubbing my belly and making wishes, well that'd be alright too.
I have a feeling me and beer will resolve things...
oh geeze....this is serious. you need help. This is the LAST thing you should be doing at this time in your life.
Just so I don't get too lonely, I may have to give the Vino sisters a call. Cabernet, Merlot, and Zinfandel...they've always been fun to hang out with!
I'm sick of all the "When is the baby due?" questions!
Your just not doing it right Jeff. You get zero calories if you drink until you throw up.
“Wine is but single broth, ale is meat, drink, and cloth.”
— English Proverb, from the 16th Century
wine's alright. it's got them antidioxins too.
winter is a good time to take a break from beer. it's much better in the summer anyway.
i'm there for ya.
I'm there for you, too. To help avoid temptation, I'll be happy to hold onto all the beer you've got laying around. And I promise it'll all be here next spring when this noble experiment is over.
I forgot to add that now I know how your neighbors felt when you sold your giant pickup and the ATVs, then canceled cable.
Do what I did... break it off with Food so you can spend more quality time with Beer (I'm still hovering around 155). Winter is time for the dark stuff! Got a Black Butte Porter calling my name... I'm outta here...
Yeah Jeff, dont stop with the beer. You are getting a nice set of Man Teats too. And that belly just makes me think of you as my little cuddle bear... Oh Crap! Sorry Jeff, wrong blog! switching over now....
Of all things to quit, how do you choose beer?? I always say behind every man is a good beer.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! When I say "quit" I mean back off a little bit. 1 or 2 a day is killing me right now. I just need to lose about 3 lbs and I'll feel right as rain. I'm thinking 3 beers a week is more realistic. I'll supplement with wine between those long stretches.
Shouldn't have had those two donuts at the meeting today either though...
Brent...I've been saving a Bison Chocolate Stout (courtesy of Smudgemo) for you. This may work to your advantage. Got 2 left..1 for each of us. I wasn't going to tell you just in case I felt like drinking them all, but there it is. Out in the open. Got to stick to my word now.
Man teats? Those are pecs bro!
xd...there are a lot of blended wines on the market right now. Does that count? What a great saying!
Here's a good wine quote...
"Come, come, good wine is a good familiar creature if it be well used; exclaim no more against it."
- William Shakespeare
Beer Quote: Hey, where have you been all my life? - Barney Gumble, The Simpsons
Hold him to it, Brent. That chocolate stout is some damn-tasty beer.
I'm in for the choc stout.
Jeff, I truly believe it's the amount of grub you put away more than it is the beer. A couple a day? that ain't bad, bro. I drink at least two a day and then hang out with my buddy Captain Morgan. I even invite the Vino sisters over once in awhile. My old pal Don Julio stopped by to save me from Jose Cuervo last Thursday. Holy crap I think I might have a problem... Nah, nevermind, I'm ok.
"MMM donuts..."
-Homer Simpson (and me)
Oh yeah... and you've mentioned a while back that you'd like to work the upper body more. Once you've settled into the new digs it's just 3 blocks over to my place. We can dust off the Bowflex. I need to get back into it myself and having a workout partner is great motivation.
Sounds good. And I'll let you demo my new Mary bars for an amazing upper body workout. See next post...
Dude, I've been out of it for a while, but who knew things would change so drastically? Hang in there. You're just going through a rough time right now. These things you say and do today, will cause incredible reget and remorse tomorrow. We understand, and we're here for you! Maybe I should send you my Mojo to borrow for awhile until this passes?
Cheers. (solo)
I had a beer tonight! 1st one since Monday. Nursed a bottle of wine throughout the week. Didn't lose a single pound! Beer may be back on the menu... Like Brent says...I probably have to stop eating so damn much. I need to adjust the shut off valve.
Let's not be too hasty jumping off the wagon. I'm still willing to beer-sit for you.
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